“I need someone that I’ll look to, in the lonely hour that we all go through.”
One of the main reasons I created this blog was that so I could come on here and freely write during times like this.
It’s Tuesday night. Actually, no- it just hit midnight. So, it is now Wednesday. I’m incredibly tired, and it’s not even that late! Ever since coming home from college, I have returned to my old lady habits of going to bed much too early.
As I was going through all my social media outlets before bed.. as I usually do.. reading some articles, liking Instagram photos, etc, I stumbled upon something. Something, that because of the audience that might be reading this blog, I will not mention. I knew my emotions were about to go straight downhill. I locked my phone and turned it over, a for a second I thought I would never enter my pass code again for as long as I live. Quickly realizing that’s extremely overdramatic, I changed my decision. Plus, the curiosity got the best of me. I thought I could handle it, and began reading. I thought wrong.
It affected me more than I thought it would. I didn’t even realize I was crying until I felt a teardrop on my hand. What else did I expect, really? I guess sometimes you come up with the best possible scenario in your head, and then you convince yourself that’s what will happen. No. As they say.. when it rains, it pours.
I really don’t know how I’m going to get any sleep tonight. Someone please remind me to never ever ever ever roam around on social media before I go to bed everrrr again. Jealousy is an interesting concept. It’s something that most of us don’t want to admit that we feel. But we do.. so why deny it? I’m jealous. There, I said it. But it’s more complex than that. Maybe I’ll think of some analogy or way to explain it, but my head hurts too much to think about that right now. I’ll think about it tomorrow, in the daytime. When I’m more logical.
I want to be an open book from now on. What do I have to lose at this point with him, honestly? If I decide to pursue him, I feel that I can win him over, in time. I don’t give up on anything that I really want, and I’ve come this far, so there’s no turning back. I’ll just give fate the reigns, and if its meant to be, it will be. ♥
See? I’ve sorted some things out already, before I’ve even published my post. 🙂 This is why I love writing and love this blog.
But, there’s still more I’ve yet to figure out. It’s a good thing I have an entire summer to do so.
I suppose I should try and sleep now. Blogging is good for the soul, but at this late hour, it is not good for my under eye circles- ha!
Goodnight, sweet dreams.