Update : things are different but they are just the same…..
I now feel that Love, to some extent, is REALLY just a game of cat and mouse. I understand that nothing good comes without loss and hardship and constant struggle. There is no “riding off into the sunset,” like I used to imagine. AND We are never really ‘out of the woods’, because we are always going to be fighting for something we want.
I’ve changed my mind more than once on love in the past few months. There were bad days and good days. There were dark days, and sunny, bright days. I thought up until quite recently that lost love or a love gone sour was a complete tragedy, with no choice but to sulk… that once gone it is best not to look back, for it hurts too much.
but now I think that love can come back to you, WHEN THE TIMING IS RIGHT. a love CAN walk out your door AND come knocking again, and things can improve. it will be alright. and if it’s not? that’s alright, too. Sometimes we have to admit that we’re not ok, we’re not “fine”.. despite how many times we answer with that response.
THERE ARE people, places, things, & moments THAT leave impressions on us and change us forever. oh, those were such sweet moments. they are still so vivid in our minds, even if they were long ago. We shouldn’t forget them. I won’t.
I will never regret THE WAY I’ve LOVED, why I’ve loved, AND THE PEOPLE I’ve LOVED. I won’t deny that the feelings I have for HIM… FOR you…still live in my heart.
it’s funny – I only ever hear about flames that burn out….but what about the ones that don’t? what becomes of those people? the ones that try so hard to keep the fire going, even just a little bit.. because we don’t want to be in the dark. we don’t want to be alone. I like the flame that sparked when you laid eyes on me. it is brighter than all the others, and it has consumed me. don’t let it die. please?
in terms of friendships…. people can say AND THINK whatever they want about me, but I can’t let them break me.
Whispers behind my back, GOSSIP, DRAMA, JUDGEMENTS, RUMORS, glances, friends, enemies, THE BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE TWO … I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL BEFORE. but now I know what kind of people I want to surround myself with, and I am making a real effort in finding friends that I am happy to be with all of the time, with whom I feel I can be myself completely.
YES.. I’m living in a confusing time of my life right now- i’m A NINETEEN YEAR OLD GIRL, IN COLLEGE, trying to figure out what I want – WHAT I DO, WHAT I DON’T…and become the woman I was raised to be.
I’M TAKING IT ALL IN, LEARNING SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY, AND ENJOYING THE RIDE.. AND AS FOR EVERYTHING ELSE, I’ve gotta shake it off.
(A commentary based on a foreword by T.S.)