All Posts · Dear Diary/Life

Lower than low

I don’t think it can get any worse. The only bright side, I suppose. Because my life has never been so dark. Days are never sunny anymore. The light in my life has been replaced with shadows, & right now I can’t see any clearing in my future.

I have never felt the need so badly to escape a situation, or run away, before now…. Why do I feel this way? There are no emotions left to squeeze out of me.. I know that I need affection, I need love… but it seems he will never be able to give me that. But now I don’t care. I just want his touch. I would give or do literally anything for him, still…and I’m unsure why this is so. It fills a need in me that is so hard to explain. Is this what it means to be “sated?” I have heard the word used before but never really understood it until now. I think he makes me feel sated, and he is sated from what I give him.

Can’t things just go back to the way they were? Simple, innocent… things have become so ugly, so quickly. I could have not seen this coming..not at all. But perhaps I don’t want things to return to the way they were. Maybe the story of you and I was meant to go here.

“The hardest part was letting go, not taking part… was the hardest part.” -The Hardest Part, Coldplay

Lower than low is a dark place to be.


2 thoughts on “Lower than low

  1. I can’t tell if it’s getting worse without her…or if this simply a steady plateau of some stinging hell. I miss her.
    My life has never been this dark either…thanks for sharing a shade of yours…it kept me company for a moment…


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